Whar Desperate Dan’s the Real Mackay!


Aboun the toon there’s nae mair stoor

noo jute’s awa an taen its reek.

Aye gets scooshed wi teuk Scots haar mind.

Noo imaigine the Almichty

taks a muckle cloot an dichts haird

the haar o’ a the years gone beh.

Thon’s no a sicht mair a veesion.

Wirth a keek traiveler, worth a keek.


Leuk there’s the lad o’pairts Wallace

takin doon thon heidsman’s prood lad

an guising, a muckle wuman.

Wi telt Cromwell’s loon Monck tae yield,

tho wi were fell ootnummered ken.

Joe Knight focht slavery roond here

an Rabbie made limmers’ hairts flaff

aince no sae that affy lang syne.


Thonder’s MaryShelley’s auld hoose

whar she first thocht o’ the unbeast.

Frankie, frankie stein wi crehd im.

Mither o’ anither Rabbie

Broonin soothren makar steyed tae.

Sherlock? Watson wiz a wirthie.

Wi built Scott the Diskivery

tho he niver foond thon Sooth Pole


Chalmers thocht o’ yir postage stamp,

an Mary Slessor worked thae mills

then made it back fae Kalabar

tae a Scots ten poond note nae less.

An Mary Brooksbank went tae jyle

fur stannin up fur the wirkers.

The faither o’ the faither o’

Bond, James Bond built cantie hooses.


James Connolly o’ Blackness Road

aince syne led the Easter Risin.

Churchill crehd wiz Fenian Lions

wi mooths o’ Communist wallies.

Wi geen him a kipper tae eat,

a fair muckle maggot in it.

Joe Lee focht an scrieved the trenches.

McGonnagall played Macbeth aince.

Ee refused tae dee at the end,

widdershins fae Auld Reekie him.

Sinatra sung fur wi a aince.

Caird Hall wiz hauf empie yon nicht.

Niver mind blue een wi telt im.

C’mon hae a bevie wi us!

Noo, nae C an A, V an A,

whar Desperate Dan’s the Real Mackay